you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
