Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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