Tell her she can't have a vagina
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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