My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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