Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
