I think i peed on brittanys purse
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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