grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
