good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
