What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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