he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
