Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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