you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
