I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think im going to throw up on grandma
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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