Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
