dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
