At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
