Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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