I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wish my penis had a tongue
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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