The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
