it wasn't lemon gatorade
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
