Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
