Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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