i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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