Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
please don't ironically join a cult
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