did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
