I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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