is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
