His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
