where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
this beer tastes like vomit already
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My ATM looks so different sober.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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