In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
