you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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