I am puke
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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