You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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