No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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