Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
17 year olds will be the death of me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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