HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
