M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
