I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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