I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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