Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
