I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
