Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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