i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
