you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
