last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
