Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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