isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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