if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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