Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
