Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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