dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
