i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
